THINGAMABOBS- A SHORT WRITTEN FOR ZOOM
by Bradley Vincent

Cast of Characters

DAD- Any ethnicity male. Late 20s early 30s out of work from the sound department of entertainment industry. Possibly tattooed dad bod.

Mom- Any ethnicity (but different than Dad) female. She has a high powered job and basically has two children with her husband and child.

Brother- Same ethnicity as Dad. Out gay male, younger than Dad. There is nothing stereotypical out him, but he also never lets a chance to add flare or to be campy pass him by.

Time and Place
New York City Early Sept. 2020

ACT 1

It is the Thursday before Labor Day weekend 2020. On screen we see REC in red and it is apparent we are watching through a computer screen. We see the back of a man who has what is called today a “Dad bod.” He is wearing gym clothes and has visible tattoos on his arms. We hear music and the man starts to move in what would be considered modern dance movement, if it was any good. After a few seconds we realized he is dancing to “Let it Go” from Frozen. He is at the bridge of the song, right before the big key change into the end. His movement get bigger and we start to see flashes of colored fabric billowing from side to side in front of him. As the key change hits he changes positions and we see a child in full Elsa gear dancing with him. They start running around the room leaping like fools pretending to freeze everything in sight. At this moment the front door opens and a woman enters wearing a covid mask.

DAD
Big finish for Mommie.
(The man picks up the child and they twirl around singing. The woman takes off her mask and puts down her stuff. She watches the two dance as she pumps hand sanitizer into her hands. The song finishes)

MOM
(applauding) Bravo! Bravo!
(The mother and child hug. After which the mother takes off her heels and she may throw them to the ground a little harder than usual)
DAD
Red or White?
MOM
Red please. (To child) Anna, will you give Daddy and me a few minutes alone?
DAD
(Whisper to Mom) Elsa
MOM
Right,of course,Elsa.
DAD
Elsa honey, why don’t you go finish packing.
(We see our princess scamper off as Dad pours 2 glasses of wine. The two parents sit at the table where the computer camera is)
DAD
So, how was it?
MOM
Awful. It’s too soon to be back in the office. People don’t feel safe and honestly, we were less productive this week than with everyone working from home.
DAD
What does the boss have to say?
MOM
That’s part this weekends discussion. He trusts me, so he’ll listen.
DAD
We are so excited about this weekend. I know it’s part work, but we all deserve a weekend in the Hamptons.
MOM
I know, it’s just going to be sad since the furloughed staff isn’t invited. Everything is so fucked up.
DAD
He should’ve the courage to let them go himself, instead of making you do it.
MOM
It’s part of my job.
(We see in the background a child running around in a new costume that has a floor length blonde wig)
DAD
Taylor honey, are you all packed? (No answer) I didn’t think so. I’ll be in in a minute. Make sure you pack the waterproof Ariel costume cause we are going (sings) Under the sea, under the sea.
(Child exits)
MOM
No, no, no. No costumes this weekend please.
DAD
Why not?
MOM
It’s not the right occasion.
DAD
Babe, we have been shut inside for 6 months. We have been looking forward to this for weeks. We need this.
MOM
Of course we do, just no princess costumes is all I’m saying.
DAD
But I promised.
MOM
Well you shouldn’t have. We should’ve discussed it.
DAD
I’m pretty sure we’ve been discussing this for years. Are you ashamed?
MOM
Of course not.
DAD
Then what’s the big deal?
MOM
The big deal is that we are going to my bosses house in the Hamptons to figure out the future of his company, that is barely holding on in this pandemic. So discussing why I allow my son to dress up like a princess will not be on the agenda.
DAD
We aren’t planning on showing up at the Company BBQ dressed up, and the rest of the weekend we are at a hotel on the other side of town.
MOM
And what if someone sees you and I have to explain our parenting.
DAD
Oh, you’ll accept our son in the privacy of our home, but in public he’s your dirty little secret.
MOM
How dare you even hint that I’m embarrassed by our son.
DAD
What about letting him explore his individuality?
MOM
Damn it Charles! This is not about him or you or even me. It’s about US. Our home,our lively hood,our only income.
DAD
Ouch. You know I would be working if I had a job to go to.
MOM
I know that. I know your industry has evaporated, but we’ve got bills to pay. I also know that I am responsible for the future of hundreds of employees. That,is what this weekend is about. Not my personal life, but my professional life.
DAD
So you resent having to be the bread winner?
MOM
Yes,of course. I’m jealous. I would love to be able to spend all day playing with our son. Getting to know him. This situation is awful. I am doing the best I can. Please understand I love our son and proud of how we’re raising him. We have a great kid, but the focus of this weekend has to be work.
DAD
I get it. I just thought we were braver than this.
MOM
Oh we are so brave. And this weekend there is nothing braver than protecting our princess from harm.
DAD
I completely understand.
MOM
Thank you.
DAD
Will they at least have the barrels of sangria?
MOM
If they don’t, we are leaving. I guess I should tell him.
DAD
I’ll do it, I made the promise,
MOM
We can do it together.
DAD
(Yelling off camera) Taylor honey, can you come in here for a minute?
MOM
You know this has been a difficult journey for me. I didn’t grow up with liberal parents and a gay brother like you did.
DAD
Wait a minute, that’s it. (Yelling off stage) Never-mind Taylor, keep packing. Give Mom and Dad another minute.
(Dad pulls the computer to face him as we see him typing on the keyboard)
MOM
What are you doing?
DAD
Calling Shane. I have an idea.
(We hear the sound of a Face-Time type ring and a new screen opens and a man answers)
DAD
Hello there little brother.
BROTHER
Why hello there big brother. What’s up?
DAD
I wanna run something by you.
BROTHER
Shoot.
MOM
(Popping head into the screen) I have no idea what he’s up to. I apologize in advance.
BROTHER
Hi Kat. Everything okay?
DAD
Yep. How’s life on Fire Island?
BROTHER
So gratefulwe paid in advance for this place. Quarantine in Cherry Grove has saved our sanity.
MOM
Have you been there this whole time?
BROTHER
Since May 1st. We’re a little nervous about returning to the city.
MOM
Stay away as long as you can. It’s just depressing here.
DAD
So you know how Taylor is currently into Disney princesses?
BROTHER
Of course. I send him Moana last month. How’s he like it?
DAD
Ahhhh, not his favorite.
BROTHER
Well he needs to diversify.
DAD
Okay, that’s a topic for another day. So Kat’s boss invited us to the Hamptons for the holiday weekend. I promised Taylor a Little Mermaid beach party and Kat squashed the fantasy.
MOM
Wow!
BROTHER
Well she’s right.
DAD
What?!
BROTHER
It’s a business weekend, it wouldn’t be appropriate.
MOM
Thank you.
DAD
Not what I was expecting.
BROTHER
Would you show up at Kat’s office with Taylor in his soon to arrive Mulan garb?
DAD
No.
BROTHER
There’s no difference. It wouldn’t be professional. The first thing you said to me was “Kat’s boss invited us.” You’re answer’s right there.
MOM
I married the wrong brother.
DAD
I thought you of all people would ……
BROTHER
Okay. I have so much admiration for you’re parenting and your open mindedness. But pretend and dressing up at 6 does not determine sexuality.
DAD
You dressed in girls clothes and you grew up to be gay.
BROTHER
Okay that was once.
DAD
That I caught you. (To his wife) So hysterical and cute. We shared a room and this one day Britney Spears was blaring way too loud from our bedroom. He locked the door, but I knew how to jimmy it open. When I got in, he was hiding behind the door in our sisters dress. When I asked him what he was doing he meekly said, “nothing”
BROTHER
Okay, it wasn’t a dress. It was a skirt. A denim skirt. And it was a good spinning skirt.
MOM
Spinning skirt?
BROTHER
Yes. I would turn in circles until I was dizzy and the skirt would twirl up.
MOM
YES!! I know exactly! I had one too. Mine had a flower trim on the bottom.
BROTHER
So did mine-my sisters. Did yours also have the matching flower print top with Peter Pan collar?
MOM
(Laughing) That I’m not sure of.
DAD
Girls! Let’s get back to Taylor. Here’s my thought. This pandemic has taught me to savor life and the moment. I don’t want to take this experience away from Taylor. He’s at a magic age and will remember it for the rest of his life. Why doesn’t he come to Cherry Grove and spend the weekend with you and Michael?
MOM
What?
DAD
(To Mom) And you and I can have a nice romantic getaway. Create a side kick for Taylor. (To both) Thoughts?
(Silence for an awkward amount of time)
MOM
Shane, I had no idea he was going to ask this. (Backhands Dad’s bicep gently) Don’t let him pressure you.
BROTHER
Sure.
DAD
Really?
BROTHER
Absolutely.
MOM
Don’t you have to clear it with Michael first?
BROTHER
Are you kidding me? He heard everything. He’s on Amazon right now looking at King Triton costumes. (Whispers) Like he can pull that off.
MOM
Don’t make a big deal, it’s all last minute.
BROTHER
(off-camera) Bitch!
MOM
What?
BROTHER
Sorry, not you. Michael just said I can be Ursula with my new quarantine body. (Off-Camera) You better be looking at crab costumes.
DAD
Thank you! Taylor will be thrilled.
BROTHER
(Off camera) Okay, okay, let me finish here. (Back to camera) I married a control freak, which he calls an organized planner. Which day are we looking at?
DAD
Tomorrow?
BROTHER
Wow….Okay. Let me figure this out and get back to you. I will take the ferry over to Sayville and pick up the Little Mermaid myself.
MOM
I wanna go too! Sounds like more fun.
DAD
(Kidding) Honey, our weekend is not about fun. It’s about our livelihood and the future of the comp…..
MOM
(Laughing) Fuck off.
BROTHER
Let me go, call you in a bit. .
DAD
I love you bro.
MOM
I love you more.
BROTHER
(Again hearing a yell from off screen) WE love you too. Bye now.
(On screen we see Brother looking something up and Dad gets up and walks to the back of frame. Mom grabs the computer and moves it around a bit. The viewer sees the screen picture moving all over the room and eventually Mom’s face turning it off. During that brief moment we hear the following dialogue.
DAD
Taylor honey, how would you like the spend the weekend with Uncle Shane and Michael?
(Inaudible child screaming with joy)
BROTHER
We’re gonna have to overnight the costumes.
SCREEN GOES BLACK

Act 2
THE SHOT OPENS ON A BEACH.
We see a small child dressed up as the Little Mermaid standing at the edge of the water, maybe afraid to go in. Next we see 2 figures join “Ariel” on either side. One is dressed as Ursula the Sea Witch and the other is dressed as Sebastian the crab. The 3 join hands and start jumping over the little waves. Once they get a little further in the water, the camera pulls back and we see a half a dozen men and woman, also dressed up as characters from the Little Mermaid run into the ocean. The last shot is of a muscle daddy, dressed as King Triton, walk to the waters edge and plant his trident in the sand.
THE END